My Word for the Year
FULLFILLMENT
My word for 2021
Saying GOODBYE to 2020, right?! Honestly? 2020 has been a pretty amazing year-and I feel guilty for saying that. Guilty because I know not everyone has had a great year dealing with job losses, virtual learning, sickness, isolation, etc. Despite all these things 2020 felt kind of good. We’ve been able to spend more time together as a family, getting more projects done around the house, more time for creative work, even staycations took on a new meaning around here. (they are kind of my favorite now!) It’s been a resetting of sorts. Getting back to our center + values. Without all the noise + distractions of daily life, we’ve been able to do more. But even after saying all that, something has been feeling off, missing, absent for a while in my creative life.
Yes, I did some pretty incredible things last year that I am extremely proud of. If I were to list everything I did do, it would be a pretty extensive list and I have a feeling it would be the same for you. (I’m not going into those details b/c it’s irrelevant and I know it could be triggering to others who might feel like they didn’t do enough last year. Just surviving 2020 can be an accomplishment. My intention is not to play any comparison game or make anyone feel bad for what they did or didn’t accomplish.) I NEVER would’ve been able to do these things if I hadn’t been home, commuting 1.5 hours everyday and running around on the weekends. And while I am very proud of ALL of these accomplishments and everything else I set out to do (like completely re-doing my website in 2 days- I DON’T recommend doing that- that was an absurd thing to do)
At the end of the year I was exhausted, burnout, anxious, stressed, + unfulfilled. I had worked myself to the bone trying to check all the boxes, get everything done and perfect, work the marketing + sales pitches that someone else told me I should be doing. My mind and body have been rejecting these habits for the last 2 years now. My skin is a hot mess, my hormones are out of whack, and my thin hair is thinner than it’s ever been, and my body just hurts more days than not. I wanted so badly for my art, my passions, to become a thriving business last year. And guess what? It didn’t. And I don’t blame 2020 on that. It’s because it’s not fun anymore. And if it’s not fun - what’s the point?! I’d turned something I love into something else. Something that wasn’t bringing me love + joy anymore because I was looking to too many external sources to validate me and my creativity.
I like to compare it to having my fingers in a chinese finger trap and the more I do, the more I work, the more I try to get out, the more I resist just relaxing, the tighter the trap becomes wrapped around my fingers. But if I just relax my fingers, I can easily slide them out.
But that’s easier said than done, right?
You see, I’ve been a creative all my life. I don’t know of any other way to be. I am inspired by so many things- and I want to do them all. I get cranky if I haven’t created in a while (well, I get cranky or hangry if I haven’t exercised, created, or eaten so I try to make sure I get as much in as possible, lol) and I spent much of the year cranky. My word for 2020 was Focus and I was so busy focusing on building the foundations in my creative business that I forgot to create. I forgot to play and to have fun. Because that’s what creativity is- it’s having fun. I am in no way saying I regret anything I did last year, I just wished I would’ve left a little more room for play.
When I did make time to play, there were two types of play. One is when all I could think about was if ‘this piece would sell’ or ‘look good on Instagram’. That is such the wrong way to create. The other times I creatively played I created work that really resonates with me but I’ve been too afraid to really share it b/c it is so different from anything else I’ve created before. Different from anything else I’ve become ‘known’ for. It’s work I’ve actually been wanting to share but I couldn’t write the ‘right’ copy for or try to explain why I created it in a way that would look good on social media, or try to ‘convince’ someone else it is ‘good’ or worrying if anyone else would even ‘get’ it. I didn’t share it out of fear.
Fear. It is a terrible monster of a beast. It holds us in place. It doesn’t allow us to change, or grow, or evolve. It tells us we’re stupid. Our work is dumb, ugly, pointless. It says we will never succeed, we should just give up now and stop trying. It tells us we need to do things exactly as the other ‘successful’ artists do them in order to succeed even though we have a knowing deep in our soul that it says it is not right for us. We have a craving, a soul knowing to do things differently and yet, we don’t listen to that voice. That voice is quiet + soft, it can be so hard to hear at times. Our Ego is loud and fear can be even LOUDER.
Keeping us in place.
Keeping us small + dimming our own light.
Our Inner Voice, our Intuition, our Higher Self is that quiet + soft voice. What does it whisper to you? Mine says to do things differently. To search for fulfillment rather than chase the hustle. I keep coming back to some inner guidance I received during 2020. The article I wrote last year - What If? Still resonates with me. I still think about that advice because not much has changed and I haven’t practiced that advice. At times, I don’t feel like I’ve followed my own advice and again it’s out of fear + Ego. My Inner Voice has been telling me for a while to find Fulfillment instead of chasing, hustling + the grind. It’s telling me to Create. Learn. + Share. To spend less time on social media and more time learning even more ways to work with nature and to share that knowledge with anyone who wants to receive it. To find a simpler, more sustainable balance to life, art + work. To slow down, take my time, I don’t have to rush. I don’t have to create every day if it doesn’t feel right. That if I slow down, tune in, and create for the process, for the LOVE that I receive when I am creating I will find the fulfilment. And I have a feeling that if I listen, really listen this time, I could actually create even MORE but it would be from a different energy space. It would be a life giving energy instead of a life draining energy.
So what’s in store for me this year? I’m actually still figuring that out. One of the ways I’m listening to my inner voice is in relation to social media. How I use it and interact on the apps. I want to use these tools in ways that serve me and make me happy again. I want to share + engage with like-minded people (that’s YOU!) when I’m in the right energy space to do so. I don’t want to use it to endlessly scroll when I could be doing something so much more valuable with my time.
I also know I want to release a small Original Collection of my Natural Ink Works early this year and put together a Skillshare Workshop on the topic for a Spring release. The process of connecting with nature, creating my own inks, and then the meditative state of actually applying them to paper has become such a beautiful ritual that I want to share that with you.
I’ve actually been resisting teaching for a while. About 8 or 9 years ago I took and passed the Praxis test so that I could become either an Art or Home Economics Teacher in Virginia but this was during the recession and it was so hard to get a job let alone switch careers that I decided to let that dream go. Plus, I have a hard time with authority at times and I didn’t love the idea of teaching in the public school system that can be limited to what you can teach. So I’m exploring this idea again. I LOVE being able to share my knowledge with people who want to learn so smaller workshops may be on the horizon.
I’m also wanting to explore different photography techniques, specifically with film cameras.There is something so refreshing, simple + magical about using film. I always try to get my work done in-camera as I don’t like to spend anymore time in front of the computer then necessary. My digital editing is very minimal and over the years, I’ve developed my eye and technical skills so that I can get the shot I’m looking to create pretty quickly. But with film you only get one shot and then it’s done. Aside from scanning the negatives myself I don’t spend a ton of time editing so it’s been a fun process. I’ve been experimenting on making natural developers with plants so that’s been a lot of fun too.
I want to learn more about the plants that are around my property in relation to their medicinal, spiritual, + therapy uses and how we can incorporate them in our everyday lives. I have always known the land we are living on drew us in almost 3 years ago now for a reason and I’m ready to receive and explore this.
I want to write more. I’ve never considered myself a writer, and I still don’t. But I love to read and learn, and I want to pass that knowledge off. I am most proud of releasing my formula book last year and the highlight of 2020 was being asked to write regularly for Mother Earth News - I already have about a year’s worth of article ideas to write for them so that will be exciting to explore as the year goes on.
Above all, I just want to explore and create whatever I feel drawn to and then I want to share it with you without fear getting in the way. I’ve started to view my art as the byproduct of the creation process. For me, it’s all about the process, connecting with myself + nature- the rest is just a beautiful byproduct.
If 2020 was the year I built my foundations then 2021 is the year I start building on them-my way and on my own terms.
I also want to listen to my intuition more. I’m learning to tune the noise out when I need to. It’s ok to listen to industry leaders, other artists and creatives all offering their own methods and advice on how to run a creative business. But in the end, you have to run all that advice through your own intuitive filter to listen + trust yourself. You know best. You always have. The hard part is learning to listen.